Stupid Instructions

*These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods*...
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.(But wouldn't that save more time?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use.(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)