I Don't Want To Go Back!

I've been king of worried about this lately: going back to school and being totally influenced by my peers. I have grown so much in the Lord this summer, and I am nervous to go back to school and just go back to my old ways. I pray about this a lot. Last night I wrote this in my journal:

"...those hethanistic, worldly people with the sinful attitudes aren't attractive to me anymore! But, that's what I'm afraid of. Going back to school in a month with all those unsaved people. I hate to admit it, but they influence me so much. I feel so inferior when they don't except me. Why? I don't know. Satan can seem so appealing when you strive to please yourself, and not God."

God wants me to please Him, and Him only! That's another thing I learned at camp last week. P.D. gave the illustration of a balance. We are the left side and God is the right. Wanting to please God should totally outplace the want to please ourselves. When we do things our way, we get instant satisfaction, but when we do it God's way we get eternal satisfaction. I mean, I would much rather struggle for a little bit, but then be happy for the rest of my life in one area than be happy for a bit and then get sad and keep sinning to have satisfaction in tiny intervals.

In the past, I haven't wanted to go back to school just because I don't want summer to be over and I have to sit in a hot classroom all day with homework when I get home. Now this year I don't want to go back to school because of the people there. I mean, yes, there are a lot of nice people, but the majority of them are wicked, wretched, vile, sinners. I do not want to be part of that environment! I hate it! Lately, I have been looking into my yearbook at all of the people and thinking "will I be able to stand up to that person? How will I not be influenced by that person? Is that person really somebody I should be hanging around with?"

Every single year that I get back from camp I say the same thing to myself: "I will not go back to my sinful ways and actions. I will not be caught up in the wicked world that I live in." Yet every year I find myself right back there. I feel so ashamed in myself that I can't stand up for myself and God and just say NO, I will not do that!

Fortunatly this school year, one of my very best Christian friends will be at Hyre with me. I am so happy that I will have a real friend to go through school with. Hopefully she will give me the encouragement that I need to stay strong for Christ as I go through the long school year.

Please, pray for me as I go into school, that I won't be sidetracked or influenced by my peers. I need them. I know that He will help me get through.

P.S. If you have any good devotional books that could help me continue growing in the Lord, could you please let me know about it! I want that to be another goal of mine, to keep a good steady devotional time. Thank you :)

**Wow. Right after I posted this, something told me to read my Witnessing post. I found this, and I quote myself: "I mean, of course the world will laugh at me and try and tear me down mentally, but why should that phase me? I have the Creator, the Father, my Father, behind me 1000%" I think that I need to take my own advice. God will be with me as I go into school. Wow. I love Him so much.